Hope for fathers

Our children constantly have a sense of “Does Dad love me?” that is more important than the rest of our goals for the day. If they believe that we love them then they will be open to listening to us. If they understand how important honesty is to us then they will learn to trust us. If our actions consistently communicate to them that they are valuable, then they will learn that they are valuable. If they see that Mom and Dad are consistently affectionate and kind to each other they will learn to feel safe and secure.

The way to get to these things is not trying harder, it is grace. If trying harder was the solution then you would already be there, because you have tried harder.

Grace comes when you connect with the truth that, in Christ, you are fully accepted, loved, and valued even when you are at your worst. Your Father’s response to you is open arms, a warm smile, and an invitation to just be near to him. When you receive this then you have it to give to your children.

How do you think God feels about you when you fail to live up to his standard? If you believe that he is angry, shaming, and disappointed, then when your kids fail to live up to your standard then you will have a natural inclination to treat them with anger, shaming, and a disappointed attitude. If you know God to be a helper, full of grace, unwaveringly accepting of you, with you, and for you when you fail, then you will treat your children this way when they fail. And then they will learn that you are a safe person to come to and open up with when they fail or need help.

I’m praying for you, dads.
Andy

A parenting plan, written out and agreed on with your wife, can do wonders for building unity in your marriage and for creating consistency and effectiveness in your parenting. Evergreen church in Lakeville, MN introduced this to me and it has entirely changed how I parent my children. I’m getting it set up to pass on to you. Details coming. Let’s seek the Lord’s help together in parenting.

I’m praying for you, dads.
Andy

When I ask this question it gives me a way to be a more loving father, even when I feel tired and frustrated. It changes my attitude from a desire to punish and condemn to a desire to support and help. I am grateful beyond measure to have this tool in my back pocket and I only wish that I remembered it more often.

The question is, “What would love do?”

Sometimes I’ll ask this question to myself when everything is going fine just to add a touch more of love to my relationship with my kids. Sometimes I’ll ask it when I start getting frustrated with them, sometimes out loud so they can hear me making an effort to move toward a loving attitude. Once, after I asked “What would love do?” out loud, my six-year-old answered the question for me. I humbled myself and said “Yep, you’re right,” and then took his advice.

My hope for you and me is that we will choose to be slaves to love. If we are slaves to love, who are we really slaves to?

“…God is love.” -1st John 4:8b CSB.

“…as slaves of Christ, do God’s will from your heart.” -Ephesians 6:6b CSB.

And let’s give credit where credit is due, if we make a choice to be more loving fathers, all praise goes to our heavenly father for giving us the desire and enabling us to make the change.

For your circumstance right now, what is your answer? What would love do?

Are you feeling stuck in frustration and anger toward your kids and don’t see a way out of it? Does the thought of spending time with your children sound unpleasant because you have built up anger and resentment toward them? If you would like a way through it, sign up for a 15-20 minute mini-session on my scheduling calendar so you can see if you are interested in the Christ-centered hope, comfort, and peace-building processes I have to offer.

Andy Viar